Celebrating My Dads Birthday Without My Dad

Today would have been my dads 65th birthday. He died at the age of 59. 
Way too short.  I wonder what we would have done today or on the weekend. 

I will never know. 

I wonder how my life and my sons life would be different if he was still around. 

I will never know. 

I wonder how my moms life would be different if dad was still around. 

I will never know. 

I wonder how my sisters life would be different if dad was still around. 

I will never know. 

Our relationship was complicated. But he was still DAD! 

I think if dad was here he would be in Texas helping out with the homes that have been destroyed. He was great with things that we are doing right now. He had a good heart. 

I think if dad was still alive he would be waking up at 4:30, making some coffee, and smoking a cigarette. 

I can still him. 

I can still hear him. 

I see the good of him in me. 

Sadly, I see the bad of him in me too at times. Lord please help me! 

I wonder what his birthday would be like? He would probably want a nice home cooked meal! Like me! 

He would probably want to watch a movie. Like me! 

While our relationship wasn’t the best, I still love him. 

While our relationship wasn’t the best, I will strive to make him proud. 

While our relationship wasn’t the best, I will strive to make my relationship with my son even better. 

My only regret is that I wish I would have been by his side when he died. My mom and sister. It was foolish for me not to be. I still don’t know why I wasn’t. Idiot! I saw him one last time a few months earlier. Now, looking back, I should have been there.  

Happy birthday dad! I love you! 

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